I think my greatest flaws are my indecisiveness and inability to stick up for myself when it counts. I overthink the little things and underthink the big things. I’m a people pleaser, I care too much about what others think of me, and as much as I hate to admit it, I will change who I am in order to fit with who they are.
MY LITTLE BROTHER GOT A NOSEBLEED SO I GAVE HIM A TAMPON TO PUT IN HIS NOSE BUT I DIDN’T TELL HIM IT WAS A TAMPON BECAUSE THEN HE WOULDN’T USE IT AND NOW HE’S SO PROUD OF HIS “NOSE PLUG” I’M PEEING IM USING THIS AS BLACKMAIL WHEN WE GET OLDER
UPDATE HE FIGURED IT OUT NOW HE’S CRYING SEND HELP
Okay I got him to calm down but here are pictures:
I never updated on Illinois, but honestly it was the most blessed thing.
The team was so nice and funny and whatever fears I had about fitting in were thrown out the window the minute I met the first girl.
The coach and assistant coach were also very helpful and approachable. The assistant coach was hilarious. Sooo funny oh myy
The restaurants they took me to..OMG. Yeah I know, they’re obviously trying to impress me with the best restaurants on campus and downtown but seriously I think I gained like 10 pounds over one weekend. Everything was so good.
Okay so Champaign is in the middle of nowhere. Like actually. Complete with cornfields and cows and weird insects. But despite all this, campus and downtown was actually really really nice. There were tons of places to go and lots of things to do. I loved it so much.
And best for last,
On the last night I found out that not just a few, but at least 7-8 girls on the team were Christian. They go to church on Sundays and even have Team Bible Study! (although they told me that it usually ends up in social hour LOL) That was a huge plus for me, because all the fears I had about going to a school all by myself for the next four years and not being able to stand up for my faith or falling away from God were erased with that knowledge.
Which is crazy because that’s the thing I was most scared about. And it’s crazy how God actually showed me that he’s there and he’s watching over me. He’s providing and it’s beautiful and wondrous and indescribable. It’s like the weight of all the worry I’ve been shouldering has gone in one weekend. He answered not just my prayers, but everyone else who was praying for me. I’ve never experienced such a bold and clear answer before and it’s made me realize the power of prayer even more so than I ever did before.
I can’t do this on my own. Strength I need is strength I don’t have. I want to be able to stand.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders Let me walk upon the waters Wherever You would call me Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander And my faith will be made stronger In the presence of my Savior
I’ve never experienced so much love and encouragement in my entire life than I have in the past week.
People who I usually never talked to went out of their way to get my number and see what was up, and if I was dealing okay. Telling me that if there was anything wrong to give them a shout out, everybody’s there for me.
People sending me anonymous snail mail letters with page long encouragement that left me in tears, along with multiple uplifting quotes from famous athletes.
It’s given me a lot to think about.
It’s made me cry tears that aren’t sad tears, but not happy tears either.
It’s made my head hurt,
It’s made my heart hurt.
But now I think I’ve made my decision.
God has shown me that I have friends who are there for me, and a team who has my back no matter what I feel, what I decide, or what I want.
There’s so much love on a team where people once said there wasn’t.
Cravings, Substitutes, and More Embarrassing Stories
Crave God as you would crave:
a. Hot Cheetos
c. Swedish Fish
Don’t substitute Him with something else “better”. For example we tend to substitute water with sugar waters that are 10x more expensive. (oh ‘merica, so healthy so smart.)
1. Vitamin Water
3. Sobe Life Water
…that’s all I remember LOL. I have a terrible memory guys. Usually I forget it right after the sermon ends though, so I’d say this is a step up. whoop whoop
OH HAHA we also watched that one WorldVision woman who talks too much try and take 70 pounds of water on her back 2 miles across the African desert. In my opinion, she’d save a lot more energy if she stOPPED TALKING for like 2 seconds. She reminded me of the stupid girl in the spanish horror movie, REC who insisted on videotaping every single second of the time she was stuck in that zombie-infested building.
Okay I won’t make fun of that video anymore. Good message, I admire that woman’s courage and bravery.
(BUT HONESTLY, she could’ve at least tied her hair up in a ponytail. Must’ve been gross, all that sweaty hair sticking to her hair while she trekked with half her weight on her back.
…or more like 1/3 of her weight. OMG so bad, I’ll stop now. Hahahahaha
On a second note, I’d say I sufficiently embarrassed myself yesterday. But then again, that’s just another day in Christine’s life, right? Because I always have a Despicable Me minion puppet on my hand and I always talk to myself…and I always get stuck in toy plastic refrigerators. …Wait but actually, I promise, Underclassmen, I’m not usually like that. I usually sit in a corner and don’t talk LOL. But I guess I should talk more now. Being that I’m a senior and all that.
Going off of the senior thing, I’m regretting the fact that I’m not serving on leadership this year. I mean, I’m a senior, I feel like I should’ve stepped up to the respinsibilities. Ideally, I would’ve loved to be a small group leader or take David’s spot as the bass player or even be a Vine editor. But realistically, I don’t have the time for those commitments. I can’t commit to something like that if I know for certain I’m going to be missing 5 weekends from September-November for recruiting trips, and then another 2 weekends in December for meets, and then another 4 from February-March for more meets. But even knowing this, I still feel…unhappy that I’m unable to serve. And it also just brings to light the old issues and struggles that I’ve been harboring for a long time; of whether or not I am craving swimming more than God, and the fact that I’m fooling myself by constantly telling myself that I am swimming to glorify God.