A lot of blogs on Tumblr are characterized towards a certain interest or lifestyle. Might be a favorite band, a certain fandom, a religious affiliation. Might be art, or food, or laughter. Might be a sport, a season, or photography. Might be everything, might be anything.
Mine is everything. People might think it’s annoying or disorganized or stupid but I like it because it shows everything I am, everything I like, everything I do. I’m involved with so many different things it’s like I’m living a million-faceted life. And I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a struggle to keep my face on. It’s hard not to get caught up in all of it, to forget which “side” I’m supposed to be showing at that point. It’s horrible and it’s ridiculous, how fake I feel at times.
But that’s why my blog is like this; it’s where I’m see through, where I can be accountable. It’s all laid out there for everybody to see.
You might be surprised at the things I write or the things I reblog. You might judge or you might unfollow. But honestly, I don’t care. I feel like this blog is more for myself than for others to see. It’s where I can be real to myself, where I can stop lying, where I can stop bottling everything up. I can be free here; you’re all just here to watch me fly, looking from the outside in.
I think..I like that. I find peace where I can be myself. Just me and my diamond facets of life.
Because I’m Christine. I’m 17. I swim too much for the average human being but I’m striving for goals bigger than reality. I hate morning practices and Christmas training and following a black line at the bottom of the pool for 2 hours is not my #1 idea of fun but I love Nathan Adrian and Missy Franklin and grew up on a Michael Phelps Beijing high and a Ryan Lochte adoration. I swim for the freedom, for the getaway, for the silence. I art when I’m bored, and doodle in class. Ergo, doodles4you. I’m fascinated with pictures of profiles and people and overwhelmed by lights and colors. I believe in eating- it’s a great concept really, food in general is just beautiful. I’ve been exposed to Kpop and am friends with freaks ;). I’ve been playing the violin for far too long but find joy in dancing like Henry Lau. I listen to Passion Pit and I met Michael Angelakos yesterday. But then I also listen to Death Cab for Cutie and meeting Ben Gibbard is on my bucket list. And I like Christian music because it’s what keeps me happy, convicted, and grounded. I believe in a God so great and powerful I will live my whole life and still not even come close to comprehending just how crazy loving, how infinitely capable, and how dangerously beautiful He is. Faith gives me something to hold onto when everything’s falling apart because I’ve been there and I never want to go back. And I like that. I like that it’s essentially all you need to be saved: sola fide. Love is hard for me to understand, forgiveness is something I can’t comprehend. And I struggle with anger at a world whose rationale is irrational.
But I have a big happy family and friends who take me as I am. I’ve got a future ahead of me, cloudy as it is, and a life I’m willing to fulfill with His lead.
And it’s taken me a while, but I’ve recently come to the understanding that I am loved.
To the moon and back and forever.